Fantasy b2

"

In a dream I wasn’t alone
On Christmas.

And you kissed me
On new year’s.

On the lips.

In a way friends never kiss,
Even when drunk and heartbroken.

I objectify you
In so many ways..

To me
Our love exists
In poems,
Journal entries,
And
The parties of mutual acquaintances.

In realms of possibility
We have love,

Even if
At night you lay
Your head near
Someone
Else’s slow-breathing face

And
I write postcards
From foreign suburbs.

At least we have lines together.

Where hands can join tenderly
And without
The awkwardness of reality.

At least we smile
With gentle motives.

And never cheat
On our intentions.

In my journal entry
We can do no wrong.

No couple was made more
Sitcom ideal.

But I miss you, woman.

Want to know you, woman.

I don’t want the two dimensional
Vision
Of your summer dress
On warehouse rooftops.

I don’t want
The flatness
Of your voice
Unable
To tell me
How you really feel..

I don’t want just the spark in my heart
Or the near faint
When you pour me tea.

I want your lust
And your cruelty.

I want to dig myself
Out of the ashes of ex-boyfriends.

I want to feel the pain
Of dealing with
Your family with you.

I want to call you on the phone
To ask
If you want me
To pick anything up.

You’re not just in my dreams,
But
You seem like one.
And I’m through
Writing possibility,

Show me tomorrow
And give me
Your hand.

"

by Beau Sia, “Fantasy b2”

Seed Root TAM

Nirvana is happiness resulting from the absence of ignorance. This ultimate,
unborn, and empty nature of samsara and nirvana is what is meant by the syllable
TAM, the seed root of TARA.

Today

This is how I feel today. A very rough cut.

Lemonade Diet

Three years ago, at this time of the year, I embarked on a cleansing journey for the first time in my life. It did wonders for my spirit and body. It has been more than a year since the last time I have done the Master Cleanse without cheating. Since I will be participating in some videos in the near future and having felt like a whale for quite some time, my vanity has finally taken over. I will be doing the lemonade diet (notice I did not say cleanse) for weight purposes only. It's not about the cleanse this time...it's about losing weight to look good...FAST. I don't have much time and this is the cop out method. Mori is against this idea after doing 2 lemonade diets within the past 3 years. He has vowed to never do it again. I am not like him. I need results now...and 10 days is the best I can find.

On July 5th, I will be happy and pretty again. Can't wait.

my new gig

I've always visited the store in SOHO everytime after I visit Marni because it's 2 doors down. The store was so expensive that the only thing I've ever bought were these beautiful one-off buttons by the cashier. But, things are different now! I finally get to adorn some of their beautiful hand crafted clothing. I will be part of the 45rpm team starting July 1st. Very exciting and a little nervous at the same time because of how strict the company is. They are Japanese with no pr behind their brand. They sell $800 jeans because each on is hand dyed with lots of TLC and every piece of clothing has a reason behind it. The name represents the uniqueness of each piece of clothing. A 45 rpm was a record that usually was a hit song. And they have taken that Hit song to having hit pieces every time. =)

I feel honored to be their walking ad. I love.

my New love 何潤東

Dear Kaneshiro Takeshi,
I'm making space in my heart for him.
xoxo,
Karen

Taiwanese Drama

I am so hooked on this Taiwanese drama called Summer's Desire. It's so raw and tragic. The love is like poison and it suffocates all the characters until they almost die. I think after I watch the whole thing, I'm going to translate it into a novel...hehehehe. It's the first time I've felt so strongly about a drama. The main girl's character is so intense and complicated that you don't know whether she loves these men or uses these men. I think she's cold blooded. woooo, so good. That will be my next hobby/project. It'll probably take years, but I keep thinking about it. If I don't translate it, I want someone else to.
When I was younger, I yearned for this kind of unrealistic, self-torturing love. I wanted "I can't live without you love." I wanted "I would die for you love." After going through a somewhat "that kind of love," I want all of that above without the aches and pains. Now, I realize it's extremely unhealthy, but oh-so romantic, in a very masochist way. So...I am excited by the idea of reading about it, immersing myself in these people's scary love lives...full of passion, lust, revenge, danger, and LOVE.

I like this.

one day...

This is Me.

Zodiac in degrees 0.00				Placidus Orb:0
Sun	Pisces	23.59		Ascendant	Leo	19.28
Moon	Scorpio	23.19		II	Virgo	14.11
Mercury	Pisces	1.39		III	Libra	13.09
Venus	Aquarius	8.59		IV	Scorpio	15.33
Mars	Libra	16.04 R		V	Sagittarius	18.41
Jupiter	Scorpio	9.47 R		VI	Capricorn	20.11
Saturn	Libra	20.45 R		VII	Aquarius	19.28
Uranus	Sagittarius	4.37 R		VIII	Pisces	14.11
Neptune	Sagittarius	26.59		IX	Aries	13.09
Pluto	Libra	26.24 R		Midheaven	Taurus	15.33
Lilith	Sagittarius	19.03		XI	Gemini	18.41
Asc node	Cancer	20.34		XII	Cancer	20.11

Sadness

It's been so nice lately in New York. Just the right amount of sun to take you through the day without having to wear a jacket. Mori and I decided to go buy popsicles yesterday to go with the happy spring day. Right after we walked out of our door, we see our neighbor from across the hall waiting for the elevator. He and his wife just had another baby 1.5 months ago. The older one is 2. As usual, we make our small talk and congratulate him on his newborn. He said thank you and proceeded to ask us if we knew about him and his wife's split. Uh...it was a little awkward. I tried to push through and respond with "no, we didnt..." Thank goodness he continued the conversation by telling us it didn't matter because he was going to try to be there as best he could for his 2 kids. So he's renting a unit on the other side of the building. He's still trying to be there for his wife even though they don't get along anymore. The elevator stops a level one. We exit, and Mori and I tried to say bye in the least awkward way as possible..."happy easter!" Gosh. What are you suppose to say??? I was so distraught as I walked out into the sunshine, as I walk to buy my popsicles that I wanted to go with the beautiful day. The whole way, I was so sad for them. The baby is 1.5 months old! Then I continue to question the parents. Why would they do this? Did it happen unexpectedly? Were they having problems? Was the baby an attempt to be the solution to their problems that just didn't work after 1.5 months? I felt sad for the kids the most. The little girl Helena is so cute and happy. I see her quite often with her mom, who I believe is a house wife. I also see her with her dad outside and I can tell the both love her a lot...but she's 2 and has to go through this. The other baby is 1.5 months old! Gosh. He did still use the word "wife," so maybe they're still trying to work it out. Sadness.

CRAP

CRAP. The more I stare at myself, the more I see the evidence of OLD AGE. OMG. As vain as I am, I never thought I'd come to this point. Back then, 3 years ago, as Bren, my old boss was telling me how she feels old and how she started seeing wrinkles, I was totally oblivious to how she was feeling. All I thought was she's just being dramatic. But now, I have noticed the area around my eye to be drier and darker. CRAP. As I do a fake smile, I see slight wrinkles under my eye! Immediately, I dab on all the eye cream I own and keep fake smiling until I see them disappear. Another sign of old age is that your cheeks begin to hollow in and the area under your eyes...which is about your cheek bones also hollow in. That is NO BUENO. No wonder my plastic surgeon uncle said " you need to stay chubby as long as you can stand it so that when you get old, your face will not cave in like all the skinny girls that appear much older than they actually are. Eventually, that caved in hollow look will all turn into dry wrinkly skin. " Not only will you be hollow, your bone will stick out so much you'll look like a cat + dried up prune with no soul or life in you. CRAP. Now now, I'm not going to go eat a bucket of fried chicken to plumpen my face, but I am going to look do a lot of collagen masks so that it retains more water and moisture which results in plumpness and no wrinkles. Next, I raise my head up to examine my neck. They say, makeup can help you shave some age off your face, but if your neck and hands are exposed, and they are in bad shape, you immediately age 20 years. CRAP. I see lines on my neck! So again, I slathered on lotion immediately. And of course I do it to my hands. OMG!!!!!! THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING. When I go back to Taiwan to visit my plastic surgeon uncle John, I'm going to make him reverse time on me. CRAP.

*note that by the word CRAP, I am really saying the F word. CRAP.

Vail, Denver

This year also marks my 5th time snowboarding. This year is also the first time I have been able to enjoy snowboarding because I finally get toe-side. I have to say, the snow conditions in the west are way better than the East. It consists of a good amount of powder in the west and that gives you courage to do a lot of things because if you fall, it won't hurt as much. I wish I was a little kid because kids don't understand the concept of fear. They go all out. There was a 4 year old girl jumping off a ledge. OMG. I don't think I can ever do that. I'll be grateful if I can go down blues without falling much. I can't wait to be awesome at it and travel around the world just to snowboard. I think I can say I love it.
Our last day of snowboarding.
Mori and Kevin showing off in unison
I tried not to smile while wearing the goggles b/c my cheek fat would've exploded. Mori doesn't have that problem.
Pepe's Face. Half Ice. Know as the toughest part to get down, so I didn't go this way.
Pretty!

My favorite model at the moment. Liu Wen

Oh La Liu: Model Liu Wen - Beauty Industry and Products News - WWD.com

Hope

Align with me, stars
to swim upstream with me
Travel to clear waters
to let me breathe down under
Cast sunlight on
the crisp air we feel
to forever vanish
the dark clouds so near
Walk with me, stars
Shine as bright as can be
And I will do best
if you'll align with me please.

Rodarte

This is one of my all time favorites. I think this collection was what made me fall in love with them.

Nails

I want pretty perfect nails everyday. I like to do my own nails due to creativity and how often I like to change colors. Yesterday, I discovered a UK brand called Nails Inc. They are only sold at Henri Bendel's here in the U.S. and you have to ASK for it. They have this revolutionary chemical in their Kensington Caviar top coat polish that dries in 45 secs! I have always been one that always messes up my nails. They're never perfect! So, I'm thinking this might be my thing, not to mention they have great great colors.

I think I'll have to check it out soon.

woooooo!

p.s. I put my last pack swarovski crystals I got in Japan on my nails today =)
I'm sure they'll fall off in a couple of days.

AIRA

Monica, my sales rep, took all our samples for Fall 2010 yesterday! So the selling begins!!!! After parting with my clothes and the boxes I've worked hard putting together, I felt a big weight lifted off my chest. Feels good. Now, I can't wait to rack in the orders!!!!

I feel really good about this season. I have to feel good. It's my year. It HAS TO BE MY YEAR!!!

WHY PHILLIP???

I Heart You

Cake from Japanese Bakery Cafe Zaiya
Flowers from my old florist...Century! The best in town!!!

Alexander McQueen Fall 2006

Stress

It's keeping me from sleeping well. It's keeping me from being happy. It's keeping me from being headache-free. I wish I wasn't stressed. F***!

P90x Update

I have never seen those "ab lines" on my body until THIS MORNING!!!!! There are 2 faint lines appearing as I flex my abs. It's awesome! heheheheehhe. I've also lost 2lbs and lost 1% in body fat. And this is weighing myself after a full breakfast. Yahoo!

But I got a headache the other day and I truly believe it was a sugar headache. My body needed some bad sugar! So, I ate a piece of hard candy. I just cannot distinguish that from my body. So everyday, Ill have a piece of hard candy. I also discovered the best vegetarian oatmeal cookie at my local organics healthfood store. It is homemade...hmmm, maybe it's vegan.

Oh! So I was in that healthfood store, Sai's and asked if they had beef Jerky. The lady froze, looked at me for 1 whole second and said," we're a vegetarian store."

EWWWWPPPPS! I honestly thought it was a Organic Healthfood store, not Veggie Store. My bad!

So-En Dec 09

P90x

Today is day 3 in my P90X workout. I am really really sore. My body aches so bad that I wake up in the middle of the night because when I turn, it hurts. So I wake up. I was going to post up pictures of myself to do a before and after comparison, but I haven't gotten around to taking the pictures, or having someone do that for me. What I will do is post some measurements for you!
Body Fat: 20% (Is that disgusting or what?!!!!! Ew. My goal is 15%)
Weight: 109.4 lbs (This is 2.4 lbs heavier than what I was last year at the same time. My goal is 103 lbs. I was at that weight 2 years ago and I felt happy with myself then.)
Chest: 33"
Waist: 27"
Hips: 36"
Thighs at midpoint: 18.5" (I want to loose 3 inches at least off of my thighs!)
Arms at midpoint: 9.25"

Those goals mentioned are what I WILL achieve by end of March. I want to be able to fit my high-waisted skinny diesel size 25 jeans COMFORTABLY, again. Wooo, if we go to Japan in April, I will actually look "normal" in Asian standards!

I started off on the classic P90x routine, but found it way too hard/intense for me. Plus, I am not trying to bulk up, so I have switched my regimen to the P90x Lean Schedule. Don't be fooled though. It's just as hard. The difference is the workouts are less weight or resistance focused and more cardio and core focused with lots of reps per movement. I still want to gain strength in terms of doing push-ups and pull-ups, but instead of wanting to do 20, I'll be okay with just 7 perfect ones. Please note: I cannot even do 1 real pull-up and can only do 1 real push-up.

As for my diet, I am more or less eating their suggested recipes since I don't want to have to calorie count everything I eat. There are 3 phases to the diet during the P90X. Right now, I am in the "Fat Shredder" section, so I am pretty much eating very minimal oils, only natural fats and that's very limited too with the food list they provide. After a month though, the Protein heavy diet will come down to be balanced out with a little more carbs. And Phase 3 (if you get there), it consists of a heavier carb diet called the Athlete's Diet. Ideally, by Phase 3, you will be so lean that you will be needing much more carbs for energy because you burn through fat too easily. Wow, I think I'll be happy with reaching phase 2 of the diet. Even though I love carbs, I can't ever imagine myself to NEED more carbs just so I can maintain my energy level.

With their meal plans and recipes, they already put together dishes that you can cook depending on the amount of servings you need from each food group.I must say, their recipes have been quite yummy. One of their biggest rules is to never not eat enough. By starving yourself, your metabolism fails and it no longer burns the fat you want out of your body. You won't have the energy you need to complete every exercise routine correctly and you won't burn the calories you wanted to. Another thing that is super hard for me is to not snack on processed junk food. I am a big snacker; My family is a big snacker; My culture is a big snacker. We are allowed to eat little snacks during the day, but those aren't real SNACKs! The only thing I have found so far are the Ostrich/beef Jerkys. Those are soooo yummy.
For the first day, I had a delicious egg white mushroom omelet with light cheddar, tomatoes, green onions, and mushrooms. In between meals I would eat fruit and edamame or some sort of soy nut. I also cooked rolled oats hot oatmeal for breakfast with Mrs. Nagasako's homemade blueberry jam, apples, and cinnamon. For dinner that day, I made Roasted Red Pepper soup (which was tangy, spicy, and delicious), baked salmon, asparagus, and black and wild rice. I've always loved eating black rice, especially the Korean kind. But since I don't get white rice to mix the black rice with, it's definitely not as savory. I don't care though. At least I get some rice. I can't live without rice. Yesterday, Mori cooked Turkey rubbed in Basil Pesto and Green beans. We drank the soup again b/c I made a bucket full...and I added black rice in my soup b/c I just had to have some rice, even if it's only a spoonful.

Today, I am scheduled for Shoulders and Arms + Abs. I'm scared.