January

...is suppose to be my month. I don't understand why it's starting out like this...with Shiwa's surgery and having to see Mori multiple times. We are suppose to be taking a long YEAR long break! But, Shiwa deserves to see him, and I cry at least once every time he's around. I seriously seriously need to get over it. It's been almost 3 months. That is my limit. I'll give you until 3 months KAREN! that's it. Maybe I need to date. But where the hell do you find quality men?! WHERE?!

2011

I know it's going to be way better than 2010. It's going to have love, happiness, career, and magic...ALL OF IT!
TO 2011!!!!

Fantasy b2

"

In a dream I wasn’t alone
On Christmas.

And you kissed me
On new year’s.

On the lips.

In a way friends never kiss,
Even when drunk and heartbroken.

I objectify you
In so many ways..

To me
Our love exists
In poems,
Journal entries,
And
The parties of mutual acquaintances.

In realms of possibility
We have love,

Even if
At night you lay
Your head near
Someone
Else’s slow-breathing face

And
I write postcards
From foreign suburbs.

At least we have lines together.

Where hands can join tenderly
And without
The awkwardness of reality.

At least we smile
With gentle motives.

And never cheat
On our intentions.

In my journal entry
We can do no wrong.

No couple was made more
Sitcom ideal.

But I miss you, woman.

Want to know you, woman.

I don’t want the two dimensional
Vision
Of your summer dress
On warehouse rooftops.

I don’t want
The flatness
Of your voice
Unable
To tell me
How you really feel..

I don’t want just the spark in my heart
Or the near faint
When you pour me tea.

I want your lust
And your cruelty.

I want to dig myself
Out of the ashes of ex-boyfriends.

I want to feel the pain
Of dealing with
Your family with you.

I want to call you on the phone
To ask
If you want me
To pick anything up.

You’re not just in my dreams,
But
You seem like one.
And I’m through
Writing possibility,

Show me tomorrow
And give me
Your hand.

"

by Beau Sia, “Fantasy b2”

Seed Root TAM

Nirvana is happiness resulting from the absence of ignorance. This ultimate,
unborn, and empty nature of samsara and nirvana is what is meant by the syllable
TAM, the seed root of TARA.

Today

This is how I feel today. A very rough cut.

Lemonade Diet

Three years ago, at this time of the year, I embarked on a cleansing journey for the first time in my life. It did wonders for my spirit and body. It has been more than a year since the last time I have done the Master Cleanse without cheating. Since I will be participating in some videos in the near future and having felt like a whale for quite some time, my vanity has finally taken over. I will be doing the lemonade diet (notice I did not say cleanse) for weight purposes only. It's not about the cleanse this time...it's about losing weight to look good...FAST. I don't have much time and this is the cop out method. Mori is against this idea after doing 2 lemonade diets within the past 3 years. He has vowed to never do it again. I am not like him. I need results now...and 10 days is the best I can find.

On July 5th, I will be happy and pretty again. Can't wait.

my new gig

I've always visited the store in SOHO everytime after I visit Marni because it's 2 doors down. The store was so expensive that the only thing I've ever bought were these beautiful one-off buttons by the cashier. But, things are different now! I finally get to adorn some of their beautiful hand crafted clothing. I will be part of the 45rpm team starting July 1st. Very exciting and a little nervous at the same time because of how strict the company is. They are Japanese with no pr behind their brand. They sell $800 jeans because each on is hand dyed with lots of TLC and every piece of clothing has a reason behind it. The name represents the uniqueness of each piece of clothing. A 45 rpm was a record that usually was a hit song. And they have taken that Hit song to having hit pieces every time. =)

I feel honored to be their walking ad. I love.